Bring a smile to your friend's face by sharing these funny quotes for Facebook. Sometimes, you don't find words to share on your Facebook timelines, this collection of funny quotes will surely help you with your problem. These are the funny Facebook quotes that will surely get you more likes and comments. Whether you are uploading a picture of yourself or a group photo of friends, you can put these quotes in the caption of the picture and make the most of the fun.
Below are the best funny quotes for Facebook that you will love to post on your Facebook profiles, divided into 10 different sections.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. - Jack Adams
The only reason people get lost in thought is that its unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it. - Bernard Bailey
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one. - Erma Bombeck
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. - George W. Bush
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin
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People look for funny quotes from Facebook, so here we have brought these hilarious quotes which will not only bring a smile to your face but will also make your friends laugh and react to your post with a like and/or comment. These quotes are a way to start a discussion on social media forums and will help bring friends more closure. So, stop wasting time and start posting...
If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee.
My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
Oftentimes, people take me as a good listener. But the thing is, I just don’t want to talk at the moment.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
Indeed, we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years…. then we met.
Everyone wants more and more engagement on their Facebook posts, if you are one of them then try sharing these funny Facebook quotes that will get likes and comments on your posts, these are conversation starters and will bring your posts as a highlight of the days. Increase bonding with your Facebook community and know more about your friends by interacting with them. Below are funny quotes for Facebook that will help you to build your Facebook profile stronger.
Even when I don’t need to remember anything, it’s really amazing the things that come to my memory.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
It's almost bedtime, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something complicated.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
Most of the time… when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time… when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time… when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time…
Having kids around makes you feel like engaging in a regular clean-up after a big party you didn’t even attend.
Below are the funny sayings for Facebook profile which you can share and get more likes from your friends. We have collected these from multiple sources so that you can share them on your social profiles not necessarily on Facebook, but you can use them on Twitter, Instagram, and even on WhatsApp. So, start using these funny quotes and sayings for Facebook and start a healthy conversation with your friends.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.
A long time ago I used to have a life until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me! Clinton Thomas
For those singles out there, stop searching for love or you will just end up getting married.
Waiting in the car is a pretty important part of being a Dad.
All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
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I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married… and then it was too late.
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friend's houses, and most places they have already been to!
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
I wonder why people subject themselves to medieval torture devices and call the place a gym house.
Facebook is like a prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know.
That awkward moment when you've said "What?" three times, so you just say "Oh, yeah.." even though you have no idea what they said.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV and having a beer.
Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
A good friend will pick you up when you fall, but a best friend will help you up, laugh, and trip you again.
Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.
I want to acquire you the way Facebook acquired Instagram
When I still use my fingers to count, how do you expect me to make life choices?
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
It’s childish to making fun of someone you’re angry with. Hit them with your car instead. Be an adult!
You know I rarely make mistakes. So, it’s your fault when I do.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know... hunting elephants.'
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission and my mission would be going on Facebook.
Have a picture to share? Use below funny quotes for Facebook pictures as captions and bring more colors in your post. A picture without captions does not get more attention than one with a good and funny caption. So, use these funny quotes for pictures on Facebook and start a healthy conversation with your friends and colleagues.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep... I'm so hungry!
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither! - coolfunnyquotes.com
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
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I believe there should be a better way to start each day… instead of waking up every morning.
Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.
I have 206 bones, 650 muscles, and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake all of them up in the morning.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together 😉
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
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Out of ideas and looking for some best funny posts for Facebook, here you can find more than 50 best Facebook posts and funny status updates. We have collected these funny posts from the web on a single page for you so that you can bring a smile to your friend's face daily by posting these funny Facebook status updates.
People usually create their profiles on Facebook to interact with their friends and gets engage in random discussions with them so that the physical distance between them gets minimized and they can know more about each other. What can be the best way to start a conversation other than funny jokes for Facebook Posts.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
If at first, you don't succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever tried.
I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.
Books have the knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay. So if you keep reading, you'll go broke.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Life's a bitch; if it were easy, it'd be a slut.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Find the best funny jokes for your Facebook posts which will not only bring a smile to your friend's face but will also help to start a conversation that will increase your friendship and bring you closer to them. People say that your words show your personality same as when you do a public post on your Facebook profile it also represents your personality, so share these humorous and funny jokes on your Facebook posts and start interacting with your friends.
The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. - Julius Caesar
I used to be good at sports. Then I realized that I could buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
You know that feeling when the really cute girl walks by in the mall, and your smile, try to be smooth, and take a drink of tea, and run the straw up your nose?
My wallet is like an onion—when I open it, it makes me cry.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Facebook, suggested friends are the people I am trying to avoid intentionally.
Grammar is important. Commas save lives, as in this example: "Let's eat grandpa." vs "Let's eat, grandpa."
I am jealous of my parents. I can never have a kid as cool as theirs.
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I have a busy day ahead: I have troubles to start, rumors to spread, and people to argue with.
Stop calling yourself hot; the only thing you turn on is the microwave!
I don't have exes; I have Y's. Y the hell did I do that?
Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play their game.
Money cannot buy happiness. It pays for the internet, which is the same thing.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog
I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Can I click on your picture? I love pictures of natural disasters.
If your relationship status says, "It's complicated," maybe you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single."
You didn't notice that I used a word twice in this sentence.
If you are in a Facebook group, you can share these funny posts which will start a conversation and interaction between FB group members. Share these funny posts in your FB group and let the group members respond with a comment and have some fun time. If not all the group members in your friend list, this will also help you make some new friends along the way. Leave your positive impressions in your Facebook groups with these funny posts and jokes.
Finding a job in this economy is like playing Where's Waldo? except that Waldo is looking for a job, too.
How long do you think it would take to solve a Rubik's cube if you were color blind?
Say the letter M without let your lips touch.
When a fly or small bug lands on your computer screen, has your first reaction ever been to try and scare it with the cursor?
A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!
It recently became apparent to me that the letters "T" and "G" are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
Facebook has two types of people. The one who gets more likes, others are men.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house earlier than Police do.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. - Abba Eban
Now, I'm going to do something I like to call the "compliment sandwich," where I say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good. - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. - Frank Zappa
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause.
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If you are an employed person then Friday must be a most awaited day for you each week. Everyone waits for Friday as it brings a weekend and plenty of time to relax and gets prepared for the next working week. So celebrate each Friday by sharing these funny Friday posts for Facebook.
It's finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!
I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they are enjoying their Friday
Friday, I’ve tried to see other days and none compare to you, I love you.
In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking Friday.
Friday, Yay the weekends here... BLINK Monday? WTF?
I don’t care if Monday’s blue Tuesdays gray and Wednesday too. Thursday I don’t care about you, It’s Friday I’m in love.
Has 32 friends online right now on a Friday night... You are all a bunch of losers... I am proud to be one of you...!
Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?
Loves the smell of Friday in the morning, it smells like… WEEKEND.
If you're playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night & you put your ear up to your monitor, it sounds exactly like having no friends.
Behind every successful status, there is ctrl+C and ctrl+V
Balloons are so weird. "Happy birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath."
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they have only one. Break their bones as they are 206
I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I'm asleep and I'm all like (o__-)
Save paper. Don’t do your homework.
People won't always love you. They may love what you bring to the table and love what you may do for them, but that doesn't mean they love you. Learn the difference, my friends.
Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
Does anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Mosquitoes are like family as they suck blood.
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